


Hot Mike

by RovingTiger



Category: In the Loop (2009), The Thick of It (TV), Veep
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 10:31:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3131291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RovingTiger/pseuds/RovingTiger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selina needs some advice, and calls in a favour from an expert.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hot Mike

To: m.tucker@comms.opp.uk  
From: s.meyer@veep.gov.us  
cc:  
bcc: m.mclintock@veep.gov.us; a.brookheimer@veep.gov.us; d.egan@veep.gov.us  
Subject: Hey!!!

Malcolm,

How are you? Sorry to hear about the election, but I'm sure you're enjoying pissing inside that particular tent. And you guys had a 'good innings', as I believe you say over there! Nice to speak to you on the visit last year, you made quite the impression on my staff! And also that New York Post journalist. Still flinches whenever he sees a lemon, apparently.

In that vein, any advice on how to deal with a CNN producer with a hot mike tape? (Too soon?!! Just kidding, we have a big problem and my press guy is as imposing as a kitten with a butterknife.)

Regards,

Selina  
Office of the Vice President of the United States

To: s.meyer@veep.gov.us  
From: m.tucker@comms.opp.uk  
cc:  
bcc: o.reeder@comms.opp.uk  
Subject: Re: Hey!!!

Dear Madame Vice President,

You could send your POTUS liaison guy, Lennie Small if I remember correctly, get him to stroke his hair, or sit on the ballsack, or just to talk to the fucker until he stuffs the tape down this throat.

Seriously though, do you have any intel on this guy? You need levers, and to use any first before promising him anything. If not you might have to offer him something, ideally a story that isn't about you, or the promise of future stories. Also, depends on what is on the tape; the spectrum from "I actually don't find Letterman that funny" to "reminds me of that fun summer training camp in Pakistan" is wide, and you don't want to overreact, it'll look desperate if you give them too much. And not to be rude, it's not like the sheer dignity and majesty of the Office of the Vice President of the United States is going to send him genuflecting back to his network.

Regards

Malcolm Tucker  
Director of Communications, Her Majesty's Opposition

P.S. For future reference, I can advise not to use the term "a good innings" when the First Minister of Scotland visits next month. He'll probably go all William Wallace (the real one, not your adopted Goebbels wannabe) on your least expendable staffer, he's in that kind of mood right now.

P.P.S. Tell Ms Brookheimer that Ollie says hi. She seems to have deleted his number and blocked his email.

P.P.P.S. Actually, get Amy on the hot mike issue. She's evidently got her fucking head screwed on.

To: m.tucker@comms.opp.uk  
From: s.meyer@veep.gov.us  
cc:  
bcc: m.mclintock@veep.gov.us; a.brookheimer@veep.gov.us; d.egan@veep.gov.us  
Subject: Re. Re. Hey!!!

Thanks; the tape isn't career ending, but it's not exactly flattering. I'm aware these are not personal emails, and are subject to congressional subpoena at my end, so I'll describe the tape as me making unflattering personal (not political) remarks regarding a pre-eminent member of the party and government. Nothing no-one isn't saying or thinking outside the beltway, or inside it, but poorly put from a PR standpoint. In my defence, (and for the record if this is subpoenaed) the agriculture secretary laughed.

I've nothing on the CNN producer except for that he's screwing his anchor, but that's not really news as neither of them are married. I've got a guy searching his work as a student journalist in the eighties, but time is ticking and I hardly think a pronouncement of support for Michael Dukkakis is going to swing this. I might offer a thirty minute interview, with the proviso that any ambush with the tape will result in a legal threat for violation of privacy, although I doubt it'll stand up. Thoughts?

Thanks,

Selina  
Office of the Vice President of the United States

P.S. Amy told me to tell you to tell Ollie that she doesn't remember any Brit called Ollie, but that whoever he is he should go fuck himself.

To: s.meyer@veep.gov.us  
From: m.tucker@comms.opp.uk  
cc:  
bcc: o.reeder@comms.opp.uk  
Subject: Re. Re. Re. : Hey!!!

Madame Vice President,

OK, just be glad it's with a producer rather than some fuckwad of a blogger. Best keep these things bilateral.

The problem with the offer of the interview is that it's not interesting enough. Your Office's agenda isn't exactly heavyweight, and talking about American Values© won't cut it; it's less interesting that you making a joke about the President's jowls.

If it was that funny, consider letting it out. A little human interest story, candid for that voyeuristic stuff voters love, should be chewed up and spat out by the news cycle within a week. President knows you don't like him (I mean, for fuck sake, if I know you don't, he knows. He's got flying fucking robots and the NSA. Also, who do your secret service guys work for again?). Most voters don't like him. Use it to push a few pet projects while the spotlight's on you, that highlight the fact that there's fresh air between you, and that you'll be around in a decade and he won't be. Might even get the attention a few Iowan caucus goers, just to pick an example from the ether. Worst case scenario, they don't run it for whatever reason.

Malcolm

P.S. Tell Amy if things go tits up in DC, we could use a really use a consultant.

To: m.tucker@comms.opp.uk  
From: s.meyer@veep.gov.us  
cc:  
bcc: m.mclintock@veep.gov.us; a.brookheimer@veep.gov.us; d.egan@veep.gov.us  
Subject: Re. Re. Re. Re. Hey!!!

You know what, that's not a bad idea. Obviously, purely for the purposes of endearing me and the President's agenda a little more to intransigent Republican Congressmen, of course. I owe you a favour.

Thanks,

Selina  
Office of the Vice President of the United States

P.S. Delete these emails please. Those Iowan Caucusers might not take kindly to me asking for help from a socialist if this appears on Wikileaks.

P.P.S. You're a bastard for mentioning the secret service thing, I never thought of that. Jesus. That's gonna fester.


End file.
